bArE

if i say i’m not tired, trust me i’m lying.

i’m not an active member in the society or none of that, but i constantly feel drained, like my mind wanders off to some place and my body moves on vibes.

what am i thinking?, what bothers me?

i don’t know

or maybe i do.

maybe i just choose to ignore all of it and deceive myself a little more…. till i can’t no more.

when i get to that threshold…. the point where i can’t help but to tell myself the truth and accept it… face value

i don’t really know but…. i don’t really know still

I JUST WANT IT TO MAKE SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mentally i’m all over the place

i’m distracted 

by what or who?

i don’t know…

or maybe i do

maybe i’m just one small boy who is over his head, thinking he can achieve everythingggg

is this what it feels like?

questions i want to ask those that did all of this before me

or am i just moving a little bit too fast?

i don’t know 

maybe i am

maybe i shouldn’t think about it too much

maybe i should just put my head down and let it all consume me without offering up any resistance.

it’ll kill me!

the possibilities will kill me!

that’s all i think about 

“what if it works out?”

“what if she…..?” fill in the blank lol

“what if i’m just one more stupid move away from everything?”

shamelessness - my philosophy 

***********************************************

Courtesy: topboynetflix(IG)

I just finished watching this series by Netflix “Top Boy”(if you’re planning to see it, and you haven’t, just skip to the next section).

It’s about the life of road men and the things they do to gain trust, money and most of all power!.. i mean it’s already in the title. who’s trying to be the “TOP BOY” ? and obviously that position come with a lot of enemies.

I don’t like happy endings… it’s cliché, but the directors, scriptwriters and what not, took sad endings to another level!

Let’s take a short trip back in time.

Since “Top Boy: Summer House” sully(played by Kane Robinson) has always been know for being completely insensitive, dumb and makes the most spontaneous decisions based off his so called “instincts” which has done him more bad than good.

Dushane(played by Ashley Walters) on the other hand is a calm, forward thinking “business man” who in the grand scheme of things wants to retire from the game peacefully, with enough money to take care of himself, his mother, the woman he loves - Shelley (played by Simbiatu Abiola Ajikawo better known by her stage name as “Little Simz” ) and her child.

Sounds like the life doesn’t it?!

It wasn’t going to come easy, unfortunately his mother’s life came to an end in the latter part of the series, this obviously put him in a very bitter mood but somehow he maintained his calm and did what needed to be done.

The third season of the Top Boy franchise gave life to a new character, an overly achieving confident yute (this writers favorite character)- Jamie (played by Michael Ward ), who got so close to becoming the “TOP BOY” but Dushane shows us that experience >>> youthful exuberance. He respects Jamie, commends his bravery and offers him a position under his own drug cartel, making his once  “enemy” one of his own and expanding his horizon for his supposedly last escapade in the latest season.

 

Courtesy: @r3anna(Twitter)

Sully didn’t trust Jamie.

With the show slowing approaching a “happy ending”in the last episode of the latest season, Jamie is paid an august visit by none other than Sully in his home, where he lives with his two brothers; Aaron and Stefan. Jamie gets the door, he’s met with Sully’s idea of exchanging pleasantries, which is two bullets to the chest and one to the head.

For a moment Aaron and Stefan are confused and perplexed as to what just happened, Stefan and Sully’s eyes meet and you can almost see in his(Stefan) eyes the shock, the million questions in an instant and the spark that lights up a version of himself he almost never knew existed, bringing another climax for the series, which will serve as a launch pad for the next one.

There’s a lot of promise for the Stefan character and i can’t wait to see what the “TOP BOY” team has planned for us in the coming seasons.

***********************************************

i think somethings don’t require deeper meanings, we are supposed to enjoy the mystery, enjoy the moments while wondering why but not doing anything about it.

Searching for meanings ruins the fun.

Once we get past bare things that heavily burden us, finding a way to let it all out or a way to put a lid on it, anyone that suits you, i think that’s when we truly start to live!

Life opens up from there on out

Find your high!

Definitely not the first time i’m saying this, but i don’t think i’ve explained.

What I mean is, find that thing that is outside your comfort zone but for some reason gives you a sense of thrill in a space you’ve created for yourself physically and in your mind, with or without an audience… which ever way you want it.

One day i’ll listen to my own advice.

But for now…..

That’s it.

Thank you for reading.

Stay soft <3

Written and compiled by LOCAL MAN the INCONSISTENT